Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
