Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
