sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
