oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
