i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
