I am puke
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
