Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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