i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My hand turned me down
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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