her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
