Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
