Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
