the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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