I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
