did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
