I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
