what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
