fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
