i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
