i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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