I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize