I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
