Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
