dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
