dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
