WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
