Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
