yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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