if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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