I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
