I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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