first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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