once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
