i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
