just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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