it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
