remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
