Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
