During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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