I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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