If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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