and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize