hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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