Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
be right there i have to get my cape
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
