im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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