she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
