chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
