Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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