Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
