good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize