Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
