i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize