Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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