Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
