Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
