Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
