dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
